In our first interview with eight year head coach of the Prehistoric Raptors, Coach Reed, we ask how he feels about the night's draft results.
August 28th 10:15 pm
We sit in a dimly lit room, a faint aroma of what seems to be a mixture of stale pizza and Doritos begs to be made aware of. I sit across from the coach, who’s obviously got a lot on his mind. I decide to start off with something simple.
“Coach, how’re you feeling about tonight?”
“Uh.. Well, I think we’ve got some players. That’s for sure.”
I continue, “Is that a positive thing? You’ve got a collection of good talent?”
“Well. They’re going to the field. And they’re going to practice. And probably even play. We’re just going to see how these all works out. Hey, did you know Mojo was still playing? Dang man. We’re going to start him sometime, aren’t we?”
“Uh, Coach Reed, about the players..Where do you think the strength of the team lies?”
“Goodnight man, we never make trades. And look at that. An entire new defense..And another old running back. Geriatric backfield, I’m tellin’ ya. I mean that D should be able to play, but what is ownership doing?”
“Do you feel that there is a particular area this team can excel coach?”
“Did you see we picked up Brady? I hate that guy. Tell ya what, I’m not dealing with any of that model business. Just not gonna happen. He’d better toss like four a game for me to even not wanna run him laps after every practice. You know, on second thought..Maybe Brady is going to have fun here. Cut down on his forty time.”
“Coach, what about the stars? Do you think you’ll see progression from Peterson or Jones?”
“I think Julio got hurt on the stairs leading into the draft room. Probably like a six week thing. AP’s really all cybernetic, but those gears probably only have a few years left.”
“Okay..So how many wins are you guys looking at? What kind of prediction do you have for the season?”
“Well, heck. We’re winning the whole thing. You can write that down. Are you doing that? Who are you again?”
And there we have it folks. Coach Reed with his typical mixture of bravado and bashing his own players. What will the Raptors do this season? All signals point to a pretty mediocre season. But that’s why they play the games.